Everyone Poops

I made this sign when (I hope) I was at my most broken but it represents that I managed to get through it to me. It is also hilarious and can be appreciated by all ages.

My room mate’s co-parent had to stop by to grab something and my kids love her so of course they decided she needed a tour of the bathroom and a very detailed explanation about proper potty habits. You might not think this is a topic that merits an entire discussion but I assure you that every detail (including the number of sheets of toilet paper) was under strict scrutiny.

This sign also illuminates one of the more unique elements of living with Sadie since he also detailed his very, very, very, strong desire to get that last half a star in our rating. I tried to explain that it is art and there is a half star to make it clear that it is a rating but perhaps that’s a bit abstract because he is clearly still being haunted by that last 1/2 star that eludes our bathroom.

For as much as it’s frustrating to deal with humans who haven’t fully grasped abstract concepts it sure does provide some LOL moments. I was way too excited that a friend had called to find out details on a situation at work and the (literally) hour long explanation of housing policy. While I was nerding out about the services cliff and long range strategies for creating quality affordable housing the kids ran out to the living room because arbitrator mom was needed.

Turns out Sadie hadn’t realized Hazel was using something so we went over how he literally has thousands of legos and the various places in his room he could look through to try and find a part that would work for what he wants.

Phew, crisis averted.

Apparently Hazel was very impressed since she gave me a big hug and said, “than you for saving my life!”

Gotta love a flare for the dramatic.

(There is a sad part coming, so if you are only up for the funny part stop here)

There are moments are wonderful but being chief cook and bottle washer is not a role I enjoy full time and I made this sign about the same time I suddenly had a whole bunch more of that thrust on me even though I begged their dad to spread out the transition a little longer, pandemic and poorer than normal mental health not exactly setting me up for peak mothering.

I screamed at the kids too much, I was overwhelmed and everything I tried to alleviate problems was a bandage at most. I realize now that I should have put my foot down to get their dad to be a father before a boyfriend but hindsight.

Dating is awful so I get the idea of wanting to lock in someone you are getting along with but if they aren’t the person you want to grow old with is that really worth leaving your kids in a bad situation? And if they aren’t willing to wait while you get your life in order is that a person you want to grow old with?

I’m not asking that in an abstract way, I had to deal with those questions and obviously came to a very different conclusion even though it’s a harder struggle for the moment.

Anyway

I love having my room mate, and his kids, and I love that I get along great with his co-parent and we all feel like a team. I have a friend in my phone listed as Mom and another as Ma with the Hispanic A that I can’t figure out how to type on a computer. They are the people I share my joys and sorrows with primarily and I am part of their networks too. I found a way to build something beautiful in the ashes and I’m proud as hell to have done it without a traditional “partnering” since I’m realizing that as the goal can be toxic.

It’s still a struggle though, I wrestled all day with the fact that I was getting a babysitter (2 exchange students actually) instead of having their dad pick them up and bring them back when I was done working. I knew they would have been happy to see him but I couldn’t handle that even though theoretically it would have been less work for me.

I found it mentally less straining (significantly so) to have someone else watch the kids than deal with their father.

I felt bad denying them the time with him but since it would only be for the evening it wouldn’t relive more stressed than it caused and with a week and a half till the longest summer ever concludes I couldn’t do that to myself and risk the delicate balance of sanity that is keeping things working at home.

I hope they can forgive me for my limitations but the situation is what it is. Their dad has made this entire process so difficult and painful that I just wish he would disappear from existence. I need the help with child care but it kills me every time because I know he doesn’t know his limitations.

From driving when he shouldn’t have to making promises he has no intention of working on he seems to genuinely not understand the problems he creates even when I verbally detail my concerns and that means he (and his priority) will inherently gaslight the kids. It already happened when Sadie tried to explain his feelings about being left with me when I wasn’t well, which set off the series of realizations about how much we were all being treated poorly.

In the world in general there are many surface level tributes like what he (and his priority) were doing that people don’t realize are distractions from where they are being screwed.

That pizza party at work, does it make up for the nepotism that is almost certainly going to doom the company? That politician promising a “show of force” won’t actually make the community better but they will drain resources chasing red herrings and “silver bullets.” Those nice gestures don’t make up for taking away their primary care giver then pretending that he didn’t owe them because I wasn’t with him anymore.

But that’s life so I made a funny sign about poop though and I secured a place for myself and my kids, I managed to make the family I always wished I came from, and I’m excited about things on the horizon for the first time in a really long time.

Also the cat just peed on my bed so my goal of having the little box just be downstairs seems to have hit a bump but at least I get to do more laundry….

I guess everyone pees too.

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I still wanna figure out what I want to be when I grow up

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Maria Dickmann

Maria Dickmann

I still wanna figure out what I want to be when I grow up

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