Portable Tissue “Box”

Hazel made this for me at her spring break camp. I have to say as I was walking up to her my first thought was, “dear God how did you get them to give you duck tape”

I have to hide the tape at home, she would go through a roll a day if I left them in eyesight.

But then she showed me that it was a containment device…for wadded up tissues (a thoughtful if not semi strange gift) and I realized that she probably asked for the staff to make the paper able to hold the tissues and duct tape fixes everything. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well done child, you’re ingenuity in nudging others to innovate continues.

It actually turned out to be super helpful on the next car trip because Sadie needed a tissue, I think I really am going to keep the thing in my car, intentionally, not just like all the stuff that’s in my car because I haven’t taken it out even though I keep saying I will.

*I’m telling myself I’ll have motivation “soon”

Then she said she made it for me because I’m sad so much, and she always wants me to have tissues.

Damn

She may not be able to remember not to paint the walls sometimes

But wow what a sweet, amazing kid. And I’m writing it down for something to remember the next time she’s doing something I’ve asked her not to do hundreds of times.

She even tried to write I love you mommy on it. ALL. THE. FEELS.

This also explains the rather empathetic looks I’ve gotten from the staff, or maybe they are just really awesome humans. I’m going just believe they are really awesome humans so I can pretend my daughter isn’t spilling sad tea about me at school.

See, I used to try to hide my sadness from the kids, then I just got more overwhelmed and my mental health deteriorated, and I convinced myself something was going to change and shit went sideways.

I wasn’t always great at hiding my sadness from the kids, but ironically now when I’m finally starting to feel better they seem to see me sad more. Because I am sad, and still a little angry, and most of all exhausted from how difficult this process was and how sad I am that it had to be such a fight to slow the full transition.

I’m still recovering, I did rush it but due to some outside forces it was kind of now or never. I’m still trying to figure out all the house things, The keypad to my garage is broken and I have no idea if I call a garage repair person or an electrician? but I’m not worrying about anything if it’s not urgent, and that’s admittedly a new skill for me.

I have really bad anxiety and the circumstances of October 2020 through September 2021 were just like constant triggers of my anxiety and I was trying to get help but it got before it started getting better.

Anxiety for me, feels like worrying about all of the possible bad outcomes of every moment. I don’t know if that’s a brain looking at the big picture too much or not enough of the big picture but in modern day America not great.

I’m learning to tame the beast though, put it to good use.

Also realized the constant noise level that is children is something I need a break from roughy 40 hours a week, spread out over 5 days, and paid…fine whomever is paying me can tell me what to do for those 8 hours of the 5 days, but I want some paid time off here and there!

I really enjoy the job actually, and it helps me feel independent. Plus, it gives me an excuse to have the kids in day care where they make sweet presents for me. ❤️🎁❤️

I like sharing stories like this since guess I have embraced a ruthless transparency. This way I don’t really care what most people think of me because I have at least put my authentic self out there.

I am still grieving and recovering, but I’m hopeful. I look at where I was and I’m honestly just glad to have survived. I would have never believed it could go down like this, but reality stick hit me in the face. I’m glad the kids saved me but I’m sad they had to.

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I still wanna figure out what I want to be when I grow up

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Maria Dickmann

Maria Dickmann

I still wanna figure out what I want to be when I grow up

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